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The Returned Emigrant: Dave is nasty after being "forced to go and live" in Australia because there were no jobs here for people with a Masters in Greek and Roman Civilisation. And now he's back for Christmas to disbosom oneself us all that Ireland is a backward dump with rubbish weather and, by the way, you're all ugly.

His older confrere Eric had to drag him out to the pub on Christmas Eve last year when their mild-pretentious father was heard to say, "Thank you for flying halfway around the just ecstatic to tell me that I belong to a third-rate nation of losers, you rude pr . . ." All right, Dad, calm down.

Dave spent most of Christmas dinner potent the family what he would be doing on Bondi Beach instead of here in this fling down. His mother put a stop to it with, "How long before you go back, Crocodile Dave?" Mammy can be very callous.

After dinner he got stuck into two bottles of Australian Shiraz ("like, theIn the mainIrish can't even make decent wine"). Then it all came out.

Source: Irish Independent

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